What 50-Something Looks Like

So this is what being 50something looks like. But I only know that from looking in a mirror. 

When I go out, I do not know what 50something looks like. 

I don't much go to the pub, alcohol takes more than it gives.

I look after myself, I don't get up from my seat and make a sound like I'm bench pressing 200 kilogrammes. 

I don’t want to stand with the other men at dull parties in big kitchens comparing German cars, Premier League football teams or house prices.

I go to improv class. I also go to a clown class. Everybody is 20 to 30 years younger than me. Pretty much. There are some exceptions. But I don’t want to be an exception.

Clown class is about vulnerability. They tell you that in your first lesson. Last week it was too much.

There was this game we played. First round, I’m not on it and the instructor says “Si, you are out but you can save yourself by making the class laugh”. 

I shut down completely.

I took the out. Noped it. Took my toys home.

That game made me the outsider (reads books for fun, parents won’t buy them fashionable clothes) kid at school again. 

And I was already maxed out for vulnerability from having the indecency to try and do something interesting at my age.

So I quit the game and didn’t play the rest of that class. 

I go back next week.